im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have tasted many bathrooms
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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