I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
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I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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