I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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