If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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