apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
