"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
