Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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