We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
