You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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