Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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