apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
