Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
