One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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