Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize