...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
