It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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