Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
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Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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