Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
did i just pee glitter
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
