oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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