Quick, to the slutcave!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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