Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
