..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
