We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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