I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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