I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
