omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
