pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
