got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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