all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
