im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
