I think i peed on brittanys purse
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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