I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
