Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
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The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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