dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
