The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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