Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Randomize