Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he puts the penis in happiness.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My penis needs a shock collar
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just want cinnabon and vodka.