And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT