Texts From Last Night

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  (702): View more from Nevada

  i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing

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  (702): i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing http://tfl.nu/wbpb
  Replies (6) Good night (981) Bad night (1942)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine

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  (617): i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine http://tfl.nu/ryw8
  Replies (33) Good night (835) Bad night (3562)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.

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  (715): i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign. http://tfl.nu/r2le
  Replies (15) Good night (5228) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.

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  (972): Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself. http://tfl.nu/6w0d
  Replies (30) Good night (5093) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.

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  (325): my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song. http://tfl.nu/4wzc
  Replies (11) Good night (1311) Bad night (3569)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.

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  (702): whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag. http://tfl.nu/wos6
  Replies (4) Good night (2526) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.

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  (+44): I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it. http://tfl.nu/xxfg
  Replies (3) Good night (2245) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth

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  (602): I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth http://tfl.nu/7hav
  Replies (5) Good night (1418) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.

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  (607): You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were. http://tfl.nu/pdic
  Replies (3) Good night (1300) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy

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  (440): I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy http://tfl.nu/cz6x
  Replies (12) Good night (538) Bad night (971)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet

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  (856): We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet http://tfl.nu/nuyk
  Replies (5) Good night (723) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  We're not piercing ourselves today.

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  (405): We're not piercing ourselves today. http://tfl.nu/89v4
  Replies (3) Good night (444) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.

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  (650): And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time. http://tfl.nu/nm1x
  Replies (4) Good night (512) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.

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  (336): When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night. http://tfl.nu/5o01
  Replies (1) Good night (770) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.

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  (414): Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time. http://tfl.nu/5fso
  Replies (2) Good night (622) Bad night (418)

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