Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge

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  (305) 1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge http://tfl.nu/8lgu
  Replies (5) Good night (924) Bad night (1770)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people

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  (614): If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people http://tfl.nu/avir
  Replies (19) Good night (4413) Bad night (1143)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.

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  (717): Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze. http://tfl.nu/xfyl
  Replies (25) Good night (4510) Bad night (647)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing

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  (715): and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing http://tfl.nu/e1xa
  Replies (11) Good night (3687) Bad night (1284)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.

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  (218): time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink. http://tfl.nu/47ui
  Replies (15) Good night (4086) Bad night (1109)
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  (914): View more from New York

  The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.

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  (914): The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients. http://tfl.nu/y7zq
  Replies (5) Good night (1905) Bad night (538)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered

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  (585): Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered http://tfl.nu/ct7k
  Replies (13) Good night (1348) Bad night (955)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.

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  (660): The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working. http://tfl.nu/zgl5
  Replies (5) Good night (1114) Bad night (563)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?

  (1+44): View more from

  It's a podium place so yeah...

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  (+44): Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right? (1+44): It's a podium place so yeah... http://tfl.nu/cezg
  Replies (7) Good night (1247) Bad night (339)
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  (818): View more from California

  Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it

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  (818): Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it http://tfl.nu/vzjc
  Replies (10) Good night (1395) Bad night (317)
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  (+86): View more from China

  Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.

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  (+86): Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs. http://tfl.nu/vpgv
  Replies (4) Good night (573) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.

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  (571): In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades. http://tfl.nu/v1fc
  Replies (18) Good night (1134) Bad night (399)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work

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  (412): the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work http://tfl.nu/2wj1
  Replies (12) Good night (1407) Bad night (419)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.

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  (406): Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around. http://tfl.nu/38zv
  Replies (1) Good night (314) Bad night (143)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!

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  (+61): I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five! http://tfl.nu/d35d
  Replies (4) Good night (480) Bad night (186)

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