you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.