Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves

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  (503): I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves http://tfl.nu/4g59
  Replies (25) Good night (5640) Bad night (712)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.

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  (732): I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents. http://tfl.nu/w4fz
  Replies (15) Good night (5009) Bad night (1047)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.

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  (989): i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole. http://tfl.nu/0fwa
  Replies (35) Good night (1808) Bad night (7181)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.

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  (410): just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks. http://tfl.nu/gf3t
  Replies (13) Good night (6196) Bad night (1370)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.

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  (703): just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking. http://tfl.nu/uhxv
  Replies (15) Good night (1690) Bad night (5267)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?

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  (906): Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over? http://tfl.nu/2cvh
  Replies (6) Good night (2595) Bad night (817)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester

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  (802): You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester http://tfl.nu/tjvn
  Replies (2) Good night (2275) Bad night (810)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.

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  (615): You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy. http://tfl.nu/cdg1
  Replies (10) Good night (793) Bad night (1524)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo

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  (248): I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo http://tfl.nu/bfzl
  Replies (4) Good night (1021) Bad night (523)
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase

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  (310): I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase http://tfl.nu/ni6z
  Replies (3) Good night (969) Bad night (559)
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  (258): View more from

  I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state

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  (258): I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state http://tfl.nu/9dxv
  Replies (0) Good night (598) Bad night (297)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.

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  (712): She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl. http://tfl.nu/1zjd
  Replies (5) Good night (979) Bad night (318)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.

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  (724): We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point. http://tfl.nu/0a5d
  Replies (3) Good night (610) Bad night (300)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?

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  (519): Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night? http://tfl.nu/8brj
  Replies (2) Good night (470) Bad night (299)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.

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  (440): all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers. http://tfl.nu/lyvi
  Replies (2) Good night (824) Bad night (286)

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