home. puking in laundry basket.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
