so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
