cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
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you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Quick, to the slutcave!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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