I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
tell me about the eggs
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
