Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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