Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
