if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
