I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
