38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
