i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
