please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
