We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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