I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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