I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
