Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize