I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
