don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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