Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
