I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize