hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
