Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
